Get Rich Or Try Something Else

Most people want to be rich, successful and 'big' so they can be comfortable; that is a Nigerian way of saying so they can own luxurious cars and drive them around in a convoy and if possible hire a police escort along for prestige or so they can live in mansions and have their children sent abroad for schooling while they themselves travel all over the world and eat everything in astonishingly large quantities for the pot belly development or so they can "do whatever they like" (what a tall dream!) and get to boink around the world.
What they don't realise is that rich people dont have time for vacations and if they can squeeze in any, they eventully turn it into a business trip because they will find a new investment there. Rich people own real estates which they evluate as assets and all the cars have insurance on them. They don't realise that when people get rich, gifts just get handed to them (by employees, friends, and even the poor). He doesn't buy cars because the latest model of that year will be handed to him on his birthday more than once. He doesnt buy clothes because people constantly give him suits and shoes as complements and when they are looking for favours. Time and time again, he will receive expensive phones but will hand them over to his children because he already has all his SIM cards duely represented.
In essence, the rich don't even have time for luxuries, that just comes as part of the package. They see every challenge an opportunity, so while other people are scraping their bank accounts to buy plated rings for a proposal, a rich guy invests in a jeweler, gets the diamond (courtesy of the deal), and now has a new source of income. So next time you go out of your means to buy something because you think that is 'how a rich man lives', remember that he got rich first before stuff fell on his laps, not the other way.

Zmapp. Ebola cure?

I am excited to say that Zmapp, a new drug might be the cure for Ebola. Though the testings are not definite, nor the side effect but we are optimistic of this drug at this very early stage.
Please read more from here

DISCLAIMER: Please I am not raising false hopes nor saying what they said, but I trust this source more than most. I am just keeping us informed.

When People Think You Don't Know Your Job

If I got a Naira everytime someone told me, "show me how you did it so next time I won't need to call you" I would................................................... buy a 1000 Naira recharge card. Dont these people understand that if I showed them everything I knew I would be out of a job?
Somehow, we have this 'do-it-yourself' culture in Nigeria so people think, why pay a plumber when I can fix the whole water system? or why get a mechanic when I can fix the car engine? or why pay an electrician when I can go into the power grid on the roof? (spooooooof!).
It works for people that are adventurous, people that have some basic experience with fixing stuff or a general technical knowledge and people that can AFFORD to replace every car they damage and house they burn down. But I won't advice first timers especially if you are already established in your accounting career or marketing gig, please stick to what you know. Dont just wake up one morning in midlife crisis and see yourself as an engineer......I hate to break it to you, but you are not!
It's alright if children are this adventurous, let them. Soon the child will learn! They are young enough to explore their passions and you will be lucky if you realize early on which not to pay school fees for. Right?
At the office, let the IT guy do his job, that is what he is paid to do and that is what he paid school fees to study (in most cases). And let the PR person do her stunt, dont try to dictate it for them. (See that stereotype?) You are better off concentrating on your job and doing it well. We all hate job creeps. Stay in your own corner darn it!

Who Doesnt Exhaust Their Data Plan?

Two things that are perplexing:
1. Same sex marriage, and
2. People who don't finish their mobile data before it expires
I mean, how can you let you not exhaust these petty megabytes that these network operators give us. Someone once asked how long it would take me to finish 6 GB and I told them I could manage it for 2 days.
For those of you who probably dont understand, most people in Nigeria get internet service from our different telecommunication network operators; you know, the Meet The Nigerian, name changers, Give Love Often and the likes (am really good at these names). So they usually torture us by telling us to buy 200 megabyte of data (or if you are lucky 230 megabyte) for 1000 Naira, which is about 6 U.S Dollars. Or if you have a BigBen(BB) phone then you can buy 2 Gigabyte for 1500 naira which is about 9 U.S Dollars. See how pathetic? So small and so expensive, yet this country has NCC or whatever regulates network communications here.
But funny enough people don't even exhaust this small data. I guess there is really a man for every woman (or a country for every citizen). I mean, we have utube, dorogram, facepage and every other time consuming things but no o, you let your data expire. I weep!

Meet The Nigerian Big Man

I find it disturbing that in our country no body cares about your plight unless you are a 'big man' or literally a big man. Granted, the twin bombings appeared as assassination attempts on the life of both Sheikh Dahiru Bauchi and Gen. Muhammadu Buhari but let's not forget the bigger tragedy, which is the death of over 40 people.
These were the 'innocent ones', mosque goers, market traders, by-standers, realtives, friends....in short, everyday people. But no one is interested in those stories; no one seems to be interested in the story of the boy who may never get to school and achieve his dreams because he just lost the bread winner in his family, no one cares about the family now heart broken because they have lost an only child, and no one cares about the girl who will NEVER see his friend again. No one cares about these lives being changed forever nor the ones being totally lost rather all you hear is this person's condolence or the other person's sympathy or the nation's concern for the life of the Nigerian Big Man (in this case Big Men) and some one else wishes a quick recovery to the General's body guard, who by the way, were injured on duty but we dont even know their names. I am happy he is not dead too, but that should not be the major headline here. I am happy he escaped unhurt but what about those who died.
I am not on a hate-war against the rich in Nigeria contrary to what you may think but I am concerned about the faceless and the nameless who die everyday for them, the people who suffer dire poverty while they loot our money, the ones who put their lives every other day on the line in political arenas and poll stations just so they can get pennies to feed their families for that week or the 33.1 percent or so of Nigerians who live below the poverty line of 2 U.S Dollars a day (according to the latest World bank report): the everyday Nigerian who is still 'sufferng and smiling'.
The most despicable part of this whole tragic story is that on social media sites and blogs, people have started lambasting opposition political parties and some are throwing blames on the President. Lets not forget, fellow men and women of this Republic died in the unfortunate circumstance of being found at the wrong place at the wrong time and took the brunt for what was supposedly meant to be the death of another man. Rather its always about the political parties; conspiracy and counter-conspiracy.
Thank God for the lives spared.

Is Nigeria Still Worth Fighting For

Welcome to Nigeria, but I am afraid you might have wasted the trip.
I am happy about the publicity that terrorism in Nigeria has gotten; not because the Haramite are becoming international superstars but because now it is evident to the world (and not only sad bedtime stories and stories for charity events in the West) the ineptitude of the governmentS of the federal republic. I am not pointing hands at any one man but our system of governance that has crippled our country since 'it' began. Maybe the pressure on government now will spur them into doing some things right......I am not raising my hopes though.
But you might have wasted your time because in Nigeria presidents are not bound by their words nor their promises. They can tell you they have 100 points agenda but only end up fulilling -20; which means 20 of those promised rehabilitations will become worse off by the end of that tenure. We have presidents that play politics even with the lives of little girls and believe the problem of the country is more from an opposition political party than corruption and negligence (not that the oppositions are absolved of the blame either, most of them "ran" and are still "running" this country).
You might have also really wasted your time because Nigerians are not ready to be helped. Sorry to say. The average Nigerian is, unfortunately, more interested in food on his table than the girls. So it doesnt matter if he is going to get that meal from the governor who splashes the state money around on travels while the public is lacking amenities or whether he is going to get it from standing for hours under the sun for a political rally he could care less about....except ofcourse for the stipends they get at the end of it. So when the election comes, he goes about his private business or considers that day a public holiday to rest from all the work and 'hustle' but funny enough his vote gets accounted for along with the votes of every other person that didnt vote. I mean, why bother to go to a polling station and risk getting killed when you can sell that vote for a bag of rice or absolve yourself from the stress altogether.
Maybe it is not entirely fair to say you wasted your time because every cause is worth fighting for and we really can not but fight for our country. We appreciate you taking the pain and we are are willing to let you fight along side us.

Why I Think Movies Hinder Aspirations

I dont dislike movies. As a matter of fact some poeple that know me think I like them but I think movies can really discourage people's dreams or blur the paths needed for dreams to be actualized.
From biographies to science fiction to, the crowd favourite, romance, movies tell the truth in a way that is a lie. Am not doubting or faulting their stories or facts or information at all. Am just saying that when actor-models and beauty-queen-actresses portray a role, it kind of distorts the purpose of motivation or enlightenment or plain information and just turns to plain old sex appeal.

Some times movies tell the best stories with lots of lessons but for most people they can not get past the point of entertainment because that is all they see, that is all they are made to see. The stories told there are real life, down to earth and plausible stories meant to be interpreted for the everyday guy and the girl next door but we may not be able to see that and relate with it as such because the people acting the roles are not your every day (average) guy or girl 'next flat'. I mean do you think the base ball player who fought through all the odds to win those championships as portrayed in movie X had those kind of shapely jaws and broad chest(not that I noticed) of actor Bobo or that the girl who tried to find love but kept getting her heart torn out in movie Y had such a figure (figure 88). If the guy looked anything like that he would be considering a career in modeling not base ball and the girl would definitely have guys flocking around and probably be an actress....which is actually what she is.
The gossip magazines don't do us any justice either by semi-idolizing these peolple, telling us what this wore for this and what expensive location the other one vacationed in....I mean how am I suppose to see him truely in that poor man's role he acts when it gets to the next movie.
Even reality shows that are supposed to portray real life instances and everyday issues of people in a "normal life" is all about expensive cars, houses and phones (our favourite toy). If we settled to really look and I mean really look, we could uncover the intelligent lessons these movies teach and even reality tv (Kardashians et al). But it is covered with so much "celebriting" that we loose the essence.
PS I am still waiting for a "real life reality television" show.

We Still Don't Know Why @obyekes Was Detained

Twitter and other social media sites were agog with insults and counter insults due to @obyezeks' tweet of her arrest detainment by SSS. Keep in mind that the owner of this twitter handle is believed to be former Minister of Education of the Federal Republic and also was a co-founder of Transparency International (some would say Ironic). Many people immediately turned this into another political argument and others, including herself, made reference to her stance against the kidnap of more than 200 girls by Boko Haram (no longer news by the way) and her support for the #Bringbackourgirls movement as her reason for DETAINMENT.
I just have a couple of questions..
1. Can Mrs. Ezekwesili confirm to us that the SSS detained her on grounds of her support for bringing back our girls or that they even remotely hinted that she was an enemy of state because she says government should bring back our girls?
2. Is this the first time that the SSS is detaining a citizen of this country?
3. Had there always been a secret agenda when security operatives detain every Uche, Femi and Musa or did it just begin when people started calling for our girls to be brought back?
4. Just how many people have missed their "international" flights or almost did due to security agencies? And how many of them blamed the president for it (according to her supporters)?

5. And all those coming to "her aid", did she mention that this was about political parties or you are just ready to cry wolf once a pin drops.

I respect this lady a lot that is why I am interested in these answers and want these issues to be clarified. It ridicules every shred of morality and virtue of Nigerians when people politicise the suffering of these girls and worse still the horror of their parents and loved ones living in the uncertainty of these circumstances. These are people's sisters, cousins, children, friends who have been kidnapped for months now and are going through whatever evil imaginable (and unimaginable too), but here we are with people making political statements and capitalising on the suffering of these families. But what choice do they have(the families) than to be exploited like this, after all, these are the only people who act like they care and are atleast taking action....be it controversial or not.

Do we really mean for these girls to be brought back or its just a twitter handle for us? All of you should remember that deir is ********* *coughs*. Dats all.

Why Coca Cola Adverts Are Amazing

Coca Cola always brings the best when it comes to TV commercials. From Sport ads to normal promotional ads (I guess all of them are promotional). From the seemingly dramatic mimic of Chocolate factory, to Roger Miller's dance and the likes but this new one is hilarious-- It was inspired by the world cup and is essentially talking about the different kinds of people that watch a football match and I could relate with these different examples. For instance:

The Admirers
The admirers are those ladies who are now die hard Arsen*l fans because of their fine boys. They are not ashamed of this and neither should you. Yes, you. It also goes without saying that one of the best things this club did to attract these set of fans was to sign the captain of all fine boys, Walcott. I mean, how can someone just be that fine? For fear of using too many "fine" in one article, let me stop there.

The Worrier
During this world cup, definitely the person that wins this award is the Chilean coach. He makes a habit of walking to and fro on the pitch. I respective of where the ball was on the pitch at that moment, he meticulously walked those steps to and fro and in no distracted order. Nothing the players or ref did deterred him, not even when his team was up for penalties; his assistants prepped the players while he made the rounds of "the walk".
Another interesting character is Sir Alex Ferguson; in his time as coach he was famous for the gum, so much that his last gum is rumoured to have been framed in a Museum.....just saying.


The Clueless
How many of us football lovers just hate it when a sister or girlfriend is asking us questions while a match is going on. I have entertained questions like; 'why is that man handling the ball with his hand’ while referring to the keeper, ‘why can't the coach change ALL these players, Nigeria is playing rubbish', ‘is the goal keeper wearing trouser or a long sock’ and 'why are the players so lazy, cant they go and tackle that player that is about to kick the ball?' during a free kick. It is not fair that the world is male chauvinistic, so the female gender want in on what is arguably the most popular sport in the world, but those questions are annoying. Though it doesn’t mean I don’t have a thing for girls that like football (or soccer....if you like that sort of thing).

Diehard
Once during an Under-17 World Cup final between Nigeria and Spain which happened to fall on a Sunday (either in the late afternoon or early morning). Our church had a convention going on and all was calm during the early hours of the morning but when the match started, it is safe to say that the population of 'men' reduced even more than is already characteristic of church. Funny enough, it turns out that there was a television near the gate inside the church premises, and each time the team made an attempt, people would shout almost louder than the public address system of the church. When we eventually won, the roar destabilised service, at least for a moment. And it just so happens that the preacher was on his message at the time. Now that is ‘die hard’!!
This company didn't just try to sell their product....again. Unlike every other person they brought up something or an issue or circumstance that people can relate to. This is why this advert stood out for me during the world cup.

Why Nigeria is not Haram (forbidden)

All this free publicity given to Boko Haram is just plain panache. It is now hard for one not to believe that they have "high-handed" sponsors and sympathisers. Some even think its a symbiotic relationship between the sponsors and the sponsored; boko haram cause enough terrorism in the name of "Islam" while the furore and mayhem this causes fuels a political opposition for the citizens to be intimidated into thinking the country is ungovernable. But all that is 'beer parlour journalism'.
The part of this whole story that I dislike is how some part of the media seem to exalt this cowards who only have prowess against little girls, unarmed communities and women/children without the ability to protect themselves (no thanks to our government). They are considered as intelligent schemers, guerrilla experts and other encomiums falsely to their credit. But I say they are just a bunch of heartless cowards........period.
Now the international and national media have made it seem like these insurgents penetrated into all parts of the country. I realized this when a Liberian mentioned how his wife had discouraged him from coming to the country because apparently "Nigeria" is now a terror/war zone. This seems to be the wrong representation we are given outside of the country with people not having a complete understanding of the situation in Nigeria. It is worthy of note that for now, this trouble is predominant in (but not restricted to) the North East of the country. So for now Lagos, Port Harcourt, South West/East, and the middle belt are "safe" in relation to bombings and community massacre. For most other parts of Nigeria, it is almost ‘business as usual’. Whether it is acceptable or not that the rest of the country is somewhat lackadaisical concerning lives and property of fellow citizens is a topic for another day, but scaring people from Nigeria is achieving the objective of these terrorists. So I want to state here, albeit reluctantly, that in most of the country it's still business as usual and no credit to boko.

Also see the opinion of a well known ninja on this issue

Democracy..... Government BUY the people....

It seemed like a dream when rumours were all over the social media that Ek*t* state election was won based on one important factor...
I would like to say that it was the honesty of the aspirants or the confidence of voters on their economic and security policies or even their charisma and personality. I would also like to say that this election demonstrated voter integrity and what not. But going by this vicious rumour (hopefully that is all it was), the deciding factor was good 'ole' dependable RICE.
That is not an acronym neither did you misread, yes rice, iresi, shinkafa, osikapa, that staple food that you despise at weddings, parties, dinners and even at your cat's funeral. I seriously want to believe that this is not true. I mean how can it be? We have suffered too long and too much in this country to just sell our votes (....I also wish I can say that). The implication of this is that our vote is in our stomach, no longer our hands.
The price of vote has tremendously reduced then, and like most things, I blame it on the economy. If a cup of rice is still #200 then that is how much it takes to get a vote in Nigeria. I can't help but laugh. But what would we expect in a poverty stricken country where people live below the one dollar per day mark. I mean 1 U.S $ is about #160; that would make it less than a cup of rice.

Super Eagles 'Jaiye Jaiye'

It's quite funny that of all the songs, its Wizkid's 'Jaiye Jaiye' that is keeping my mind off our defeat this morning.
Was it too much to ask that no one should talk to me about that unfortunate circumstance? We did loose to France, albeit in controversial circumstances, but a loss all the same. I still believe no one should blame Enyeama (not so much about Yobo). He put in all to that game. If most players played with such commitment, I believe the result would have been better. Where was the defender that was to hold Pogba. "Mcheeeew".
I want to further apologize for all the calls I ignored and messages I didnt reply to or all the messages I ignored and calls I didnt answer. I have never been so grateful to Sarz before as I currently am for this beat. Am moving in my seat in the bus. I guess Afrobeat does the magic(juju).
*Singing*
If you call am African woman
She no go gree, she go say.....

Our Responsibility to Our Readers

I apologise for not upholding my responsibility to respond to issues as they abound. This break in my publishing of articles was due to a readjustment and reconsideration which I have given to further the blog in a better and brighter direction. I hope to speak more frankly now about the issues pressing and ones hillarious. I promise to be more humouristic as we Nigerians are want, even to the point of sartire and sarcasm.
I promise to post as frequently as our crippling internet allows and as true as our democracy permits me.

Op-position

There is this story of a patient whose brother made a show at a hospital not too remote in location some time ago. His brother was being treated of a not so common head pain, and although the doctor had attended to him, the pain seemed to persist. In his frustration, he caused a fuss in the hospital and no little one at that, complaining about how the doctor does not know his job and how his brother's ache had extended to the neck, mouth, nose, face and even arguably to the spine. His complains also drifted to exorbitant hospital fees and the likes. He had many supporters who believed they had also been wronged by the corrupt health system in our country, and that crowd is not hard to find at all. In essence, the whole hospital gave him audience.
Only a few inquired of the doctor as to the extent of the anomaly his brother suffered and some still asked why he had not paid attention to the patient. The doctor then explained that the medicine he administered would take about 3 hours for the effects to show and what was important was for the patient to rest and have enough fluid.
This is what the opposition party is doing to this country. They absorb all attention on the basis that they are the "brother" to the patient and are in themselves victims of a sort. They use this opportunity to conveniently exaggerate the illness of this country, point hands at the wrong cause, heat the polity and in effect confuse the whole populace. The people with the answers we actually require are the doctors but we would rather listen to the patient's brother on account of sympathy.
If a boy complained of waist pain, we would ask, "did you fall?" or "did someone push you" but now we ask "who is the head doctor of the hospital you went to? He must have caused this" . We neglect the right cause of the problem and the problem itself and focus on the paramedic.